Powerless

Something sad was revealed to me this morning.

I was having my breakfast when my lola (grandmom) joined me and sat down in front of me. A conversation strike up and we started discussing her incoming 75th birthday. I was playing dumb that time ‘coz I don’t want to ruin the surprise party we’re throwing for her. I know she’s excited and I can see it her eyes. But somewhere along our conversation, she said something that made me sad. She told me she peed on herself just the other day. She woke up that early morning and tried to get up as fast as possible but she couldn’t control it anymore and got herself wet. I al most laugh hearing her story. I half-jokingly said that she should start wearing diapers from now on. She said she wanted but she has no money to buy a set. Despite a jesting tone, she was dead serious. Then I start to realize something. What my lola was trying to say is that she’s getting old- really old. She’s starting to get weak and that’s very alarming. I always know her as a strong woman- both in will and in action. I looked up to her as a superhero. At such an age, she still runs errands for me, helps me fixed my clothes, prepares my things and a lot more. But lately, she’s been lazy and she’s becoming more emotional and having self-pity. Now, I understand what’s happening.

I don’t want to entertain any bad thoughts right now, but to see and realize that she’s getting older really makes me sad.

Geez, I hate this feeling. I feel so powerless with the truth I’m realizing. If only I have the ways, I will make time slower for her. Like what I told my best friend about my lola, I wanted her to live long and healthy enough to see me end up with the right girl and play with my kids, her great grandchildren. I would want my kids to experience how it is to be loved and cared by my lola. That would probably be the greatest gift I can give her, more than all the plans and material things I wanted to give her.

On a light note, my best friend told me that I should really consider giving my lola a great grand kid. I smiled and retorted back. If finding a girl was such a challenge for me, what more to have a kiddo? Well, unless I’ll do it on accident with some girl. I know my best friend was just trying to pull a leg that time. I only realize right now that I could have thrown it back by asking her if she’s willing to make it happen- to have a John Jr. or a Jane. Havent I mentioned that my best friend is a girl?

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About johnthinkingaloud

Finding my purpose still... View all posts by johnthinkingaloud

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